Damn, almost time to get outta here...graduation's only about a month away. I've kinda come to grips with leaving and the fact that I have to start fresh again, but it doesn't really make it that much easier. As much as I like to put up a front to show I'm alright with it, I'm actually quite sad, and will miss my time here at Western. I feel more at home in London than back in Saskatoon, and I just feel like I don't really have anything to go back to. I don't think I'll be returning to my "home church", I've kinda lost touch with my friends back home, and with what I've become here in London, I don't know if I can really hang out with them like I used to. God has place eternity in my heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11), so I don't see what they see as important in life anymore. Right now, I really don't feel I have anything to look forward to after my university career.
Yes, God will show me new things and will reveal more of Himself to me everyday, and I do look forward to it....but God is able to show Himself to me wherever I end up, it's not really something I can say to look forward to in regards to where I'm heading. It's almost like the default answer to cheer myself up.
It is nice to see my family, but I'm really not too thrilled about what I'm expecting from life in the years to come. God also does not promise super happiness. Jeremiah is a good example. I didn't actually look into this myself, but Chia told me about it. He said that "Jeremiah was told by God that he was to be a prophet, but nobody would listen to him". He was pretty much set up for a life of sorrow, and that's what He lived.....I hear he cries/weeps a crapload because he's so sad.
God has not told me this, but who knows, it could very well be like this for me in the years to come. I dare not blatantly disobey God, so I will do what the Lord says, but if it means crappy days to come, it kinda sucks. I would not go as far as to say that my hope of heaven is the only thing I got, but I really don't see all that much right now. I hope God fills me with happiness.
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4 comments:
last tuesday i asked God, "why can't i be happy?" and in the end in with shirley and working stuff out... more happy but i wonder if it's was stupid for me to ask. it's odd how it almost feels wrong to ask for that... i hope that you find joy and happiness in God.
no class today, lol!
Wondersushi on sunday??? check your email~
ask for it and you'll get it. Be like Naruto, cos now you go back stronger than you've ever been before, its time to rebuild the village, help them out, love and protect your loved ones, strive to rescue lost souls, wouldnt that be a cool resolve? We might not be physically chilling with each other, but we'll always remember each other in prayer and we're a body that can not be broken, city on a hill that can not be hidden, there stands two cities, Eldon and me, and more cities stands with us, Enoch, Yun ping (taiwan), God's unity is sufficient.
i don't have any answers either
but I feel like what you say refelcts the same things I'm feeling..
I've heard sermons and stuff before about the assurety and confidence with which people would enter a battle if they knew they were going to win - and we know that God is already victorious - but it doesn't make the fact that going to battle is still tough and exhausting, and any easier on you.
I could say a lot of cheesy things right now, but I'll leave it at ........
SEE YOU ON FRIDAY!!!
it's not over yet - and I know you're making the most of it to the end! ;)
elDON! i remember reading Ecclesiastes 3:11 and having it blow my mind. that God has put eternity in our hearts! i can't even fully grasp what and all that it means.. but i know it's something amazing! :D
it's been an awesome 4 years :)
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