Iunno if you know, but I'm super self-conscious. I don't know if I come off as this way or not, but I am. I'm very insecure about myself, and am constantly concerned about how people see me. When I'm looking at pictures, I'm always checking myself first. I could care less how the people around me look. As long as I look fresh it's a good picture haha. Not so much now, but maybe 'round end of high school/1st year, I'd check myself out in the mirror non-stop. I mean, I would take little study breaks to check myself.
This just kinda came to mind from Yun-Ping praying for the girls about insecurity, about how they can hold their head up high 'cause they're beautiful in God's eyes. It's true, but often this just doesn't cut it for me. Which one of us does God not see as beautiful? God thinks we're all equally beautiful so what does it really mean? Of course I'm not gonna say I'm not beautiful 'cause I was made in the image of God, outta fear I dare not say anything that God has made to be ugly.
I guess I'm just trying to say, I'd like to be worldly beautiful sometimes. I 'aint just talking 'bout appearances either, I'm talking 'bout the beauty of my bank account, the beauty of my intellect, the beauty of my social class, hell the beauty of my cross-over etc.....But none of these things are important to the Lord, so why should I care? 'Cause everyone else does. Including me in regards to others.
Well let's get to my point, why am I posting about being worldly beautiful? It's 'cause girls care....Man, I haven't seen anyone in 4 years! My university career is coming to an end and I'm going home to a "asian Christian girl"less place. Where the hell am I gonna find a girl? I guess I've just been wondering that: if during my university career I woulda grown up a bit quicker, taken better care of my body, been a bit more ambitious about my career, had bigger money stacks, have been more "spiritually mature", or even have become a completely different person, would I be seeing someone by now? Or am I just too picky in regards to these same aspects towards girls? Whatever they may be, I'm girlfriendless right now and I 'aint getting any younger :P Don't get me wrong though...I regret nothing in these last 4 years. In fact, I don't believe in regret. If this is the way the Lord had it set out to be, then that's the way it is. Why would I wish it differently than the Lord has planned? It's stupid.
Will God provide my future spouse? Maybe...I don't know, He hasn't told me yet. Am I gonna be alright with it if He says no? I have no choice but to be. I guess I can be alone like Paul the apostle hahaha. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that one. Am I even prepared to take care of a girl yet? I don't know. The fact that I haven't had one in so long (in my eyes at least), I'm getting kinda restless to know if there is actually gonna be one out there for me. Throw all your pity comments at me and tell me how I have lots to offer. I really don't mind hearing it right now. It'll temporary fix my insecurity hahaha.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
hahah, its crazy, i've being thinking similar things. But on a different end, I couldn't care less about my looks. Cos I dont believe I have anyone to impress. But i think that may have affected me in my chance with girls haha, i figured if the girl is what God has prepared for me, she probly could care the same amount as me in terms of my looks. Iunno, i find girls i like usually tend not to care about that stuff other than spiritual maturity. But i gotta be presentable if you know what i mean. In the beginning of last summer, when i first moved to toronto, i liked this girl, i think ypls and noc knows about this, and now you do. She was pretty great, so i asked God for her, i fasted, then the response i got was not yet. Why? Cos I can barely take care of myself, cos i'm not yet a man!! Dang, that hit me pretty hard, so i've been working on those kinda stuff, but one thing that still bothers me is sexual purity and lust. Those always brings me down, so i figure thats the last line, if i conquer it, i get the girl, sounds like a fairy tale haha. But I was worried about that kinda stuff recently too, cos i havnt dated since..forever, and i know God has a plan for me, i just dont know what it is, i'm a little scared at the gift of celibacy, but if its a gift God's given me, then he'll prepare my heart for it. But the bottom line is, sometimes i just want someone and it sucks to be alone. Seeing Jon and enoch almost makes me jealous sometimes, but the truth is, i know God has someone for me, and i'm not gonna settle for second best. a line from persuit of happyness modified:"if you want something, ask for it, period." So ask God for a girl, or even the comof knowing you'll end up with someone he prepared for you. It's pretty cool to think about how God has someone ready ESPECIALLY for you, and no one else, haha, maybe she's getting ready to meet you.
lol~ i told people about how you used to check yourself out for your "study breaks"~
i don't believe in regretting either =]
you know how you are with things though, if you can get it then it's not worth it so i don't think you would be dating.
it's interesting how guys think about this too when they graduate. I used to think it was more of a girl thing [pressure from family, lalalallala etc, that's what I've heard anyways]
like you said, why would you want to be anyone other than who you are? if you're someone you're not and you "find" someone who likes that you, then is the person they like even you?
hehe Enoch knows I think you're an amazing guy [therefore I can say it here, even though I would anyways] and since you're not going to marry a million different girls, why worry about the ones you're not going to end up with....and just work to be yourself for the one you will be with?
*smiles* ~God Bless
whats been going on in your life recently?? Havnt heard from you in a while.
Thіs іs a topіс that is near to my heart.
.. Mаny thаnks! Whеre аrе yοur cоntact details though?
Feel free to visit my pаge: facebook cuenta gratis
Post a Comment