It wasn't until I went back to Hong Kong that I realized there's a gap in my family. It never really occurred to me before 'cause I pretty much have only ever dealt with my mom's side. When I went back though, I got a hold of my dad ('cause it was the right thing to do?? I don't know) just to have a chance to see him after all these years. When I met up with him, it wasn't really that ackward. I guess he's still family, but more of an uncle that spoils us rather than a real "typical" father. And I'm actually cool with that. I don't feel like I really need him per se, I'm fine with what I got right now. But I guess on the lines of seeing him almost as a friend, I got to like him more than my actual family. You know how it is...you'd wanna chill with your friends, but when it comes down to it, you would do stuff for your family before any of your friends.
Because I met with him, he wanted me to have dinner with my uncles and aunties on his side while I was there. I've met them before, but this time it was just a reminder of how cool my uncles on my dad's side were. They were all really funny, talkative, and were "somebody" in this world. They seemed like the ideal people for me to be looking up to. They talked about interest rates, big businesses, stocks, and money making. It was during basking in the enjoyment of having such cool relatives that I realized that this side of my family has actually been cut off from us my whole life. Though it's nice to see them after such a long period of time, we were never actually in touch, they never sent Xmas cards, or anything like that, I would think because of my parents' situation. My dad has 6 siblings, and I got a bunch of cousins on that side as well, so it was a big family.
Now as I'm kinda all alone in Saskatoon, I just kinda feel it was too bad I lost part of my family 'cause my parents screwed it up. I'm feel like I have to pick sides or something. I don't know if this is what kids deal with when their parents get divorced when they're young, but I guess I get to deal with it now :P I didn't go through the "it's my fault they were divorced" phase you often see on TV, well frankly...'cause I'm too arrogant to take blame for something like this. How could this possibly be my fault, it's stupid. Anywho, I actually think my dad's side of the family is cooler, yet my mom's side's the ones that raised me, put me through school, and did all the real parenting. Matter of fact, I was living with my uncle on my mom's side after my mom and brother left back to Canada, so it really was like a friends VS family ordeal. Though it wasn't the most glamourous living with my uncle, it seemed more of like a family-like burden to take me in, as opposed to fine dinning with my friends. Yet I thought my uncles on my dad's side were cooler hahaha. I guess my point is, it's just really too bad I couldn't have it all. It sucks that I have to hold back from praising my dad when i'm around my mom, and I have to watch what I say when I'm with my dad. It's stupid! And when things get stupid, I like to do what I do best, brush it off and "not care" about it.
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