Hello New World, Here We Come On Them Twinkie Trees Screamin' We On Our Way

I look back at my years at Western, and I think I screwed up. I definitely didn't work as hard as I could of academically, it's like I couldn't see past the four years that were due for me there. I used ACF as an excuse for being too busy, but in fact I was and am just a very lazy person. Though I may feel I've done more than others in the fellowship, I don't think it should be used as a standard to measure my failure in school. Maybe it's my pride talking, discrediting the smarts of every other student at my school, but my transcript shouldn't look the way that it does. I say that I'd work harder every year, but when things got hard, and I couldn't hang in there, there was always some excuse to explain why my grades were horrible. Maybe how I performed was in fact my limit if it's consistently horrible, given my laziness, this was actually the best I could do.

Taking a step back and looking at the real world, things aren't as naively digestible as when I was in university. After I've graduated, things seem different. When you're taking a third person look at something, things don't seem as correct as it used to. Just like how I was in high school, or even earlier in university, everything seemed so right from the perspective of that person. I look back, and I never wanna be that person again...but whatever, hindsight's always 20/20 right. At Western, my attitude towards school seemed crystal clear, but it isn't as black and white as it was. I didn't like grinding it out, and I used a biblical scapegoat. Even had myself fooled. I guess this sounds like regret, but it's not....I don't believe in regret...there's nothing I can do to change what I've done, but I do have new perspective.

During university, I felt like I was on the right track to becoming a better person, but I don't necessarily like the person I've become. I think God has shown the hypocrisy in my life. I don't know if I'm as right with Him as I thought I was. Sometimes I honestly don't know if I'm really that much different from that kid I was in high school. Yeah, it's true that I don't do some of the stuff I used to....but I can't just let my change in preferences explain that I'm a better person, when in fact it is just that....a change in preference. I'm not really that different at all.

When enough people have told you that you're different, that you've grown as a person, you begin to believe it as well. I'm not saying I haven't grown at all, but it just seems like too little in too long of a time. There's so much I don't know.....and I want to, and I wanna be that person. To quote Hova "I 'aint close to God, but I'm working goddamn hard"....well I'm trying. Excuse the "french".

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 4: My Family

It wasn't until I went back to Hong Kong that I realized there's a gap in my family. It never really occurred to me before 'cause I pretty much have only ever dealt with my mom's side. When I went back though, I got a hold of my dad ('cause it was the right thing to do?? I don't know) just to have a chance to see him after all these years. When I met up with him, it wasn't really that ackward. I guess he's still family, but more of an uncle that spoils us rather than a real "typical" father. And I'm actually cool with that. I don't feel like I really need him per se, I'm fine with what I got right now. But I guess on the lines of seeing him almost as a friend, I got to like him more than my actual family. You know how it is...you'd wanna chill with your friends, but when it comes down to it, you would do stuff for your family before any of your friends.

Because I met with him, he wanted me to have dinner with my uncles and aunties on his side while I was there. I've met them before, but this time it was just a reminder of how cool my uncles on my dad's side were. They were all really funny, talkative, and were "somebody" in this world. They seemed like the ideal people for me to be looking up to. They talked about interest rates, big businesses, stocks, and money making. It was during basking in the enjoyment of having such cool relatives that I realized that this side of my family has actually been cut off from us my whole life. Though it's nice to see them after such a long period of time, we were never actually in touch, they never sent Xmas cards, or anything like that, I would think because of my parents' situation. My dad has 6 siblings, and I got a bunch of cousins on that side as well, so it was a big family.

Now as I'm kinda all alone in Saskatoon, I just kinda feel it was too bad I lost part of my family 'cause my parents screwed it up. I'm feel like I have to pick sides or something. I don't know if this is what kids deal with when their parents get divorced when they're young, but I guess I get to deal with it now :P I didn't go through the "it's my fault they were divorced" phase you often see on TV, well frankly...'cause I'm too arrogant to take blame for something like this. How could this possibly be my fault, it's stupid. Anywho, I actually think my dad's side of the family is cooler, yet my mom's side's the ones that raised me, put me through school, and did all the real parenting. Matter of fact, I was living with my uncle on my mom's side after my mom and brother left back to Canada, so it really was like a friends VS family ordeal. Though it wasn't the most glamourous living with my uncle, it seemed more of like a family-like burden to take me in, as opposed to fine dinning with my friends. Yet I thought my uncles on my dad's side were cooler hahaha. I guess my point is, it's just really too bad I couldn't have it all. It sucks that I have to hold back from praising my dad when i'm around my mom, and I have to watch what I say when I'm with my dad. It's stupid! And when things get stupid, I like to do what I do best, brush it off and "not care" about it.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol.3: Poverty

It's actually kinda hard for me to write about this as it's not as fresh in my memory as it was when I was actually in Hong Kong. And nowadays, I've actually got other things on my mind that I would rather post, but here goes....maybe it'll mean something to someone.

Volume 3: Poverty

So from my last posts, you already know droppin' huge amounts of dough on all the pretty things I like to buy. Hong Kong was one of the most seductive places I've ever been, meaning that it's probably not uncommon to spend the way I spent there. Well at least it seemed like it to me. Let's just say they have a higher standard of appearances, and money flaunting techniques that we don't have in Canada. I'm not saying we don't have any at all, but not as much as Hong Kong. "Cash rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill y'all" would seem appropriate to describe their attitude there. So some of the richest people I've ever seen were in Hong Kong, but at the same time, the poor there are ...seriously poor! After seeing the kinda poverty in Hong Kong and Mainland China, I actually don't wanna ever give money to the homeless in Canada again. I mean, the homeless in Canada CHOOSE to be homeless (enlighten me if I'm wrong on this). Because I find it absurd that someone living under such high government protection, and equity balanced focus can actually be without a job or not have enough from wellfare to at least live indoors. Point is, the homeless in HK/China are in a lot of trouble.

So how can I help them? One of the things I don't fully understand is how Jesus teaches us to give to the poor, and help the widowed etc. It feels like the right thing to do, but does it really even help these people? I guess it reflects the love of Christ through us, but is that sufficient? I kinda feel like being charitable actually helps myself more than the needy. Why? 'Cause I'm learning...they however are not any better off if they still don't accept the gospel. So how do we help the needy? And why do we make them out as needing Christ more than the people we see around us everyday? Are they easier to convert to Christ? Do they require more love 'cause they don't have the World's blanket to keep them warm? I don't think they "deserve" salvation any more than any other human being, yet I wanna help them and don't know how.

In our society, we kinda just mind our own. I barely talk to my friends about Christ, how do I share with the homeless? How do we make somebody understand something that can't be expressed in words? Or do I do what I can and leave it up to God? Love by giving money?? hahaha iunno.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 2: My Splurge

Volume 2: My Splurge

I hope you didn't set your expectations too high for the ending to my money spending story, 'cause there really wasn't any extraordinary revealing of God's master plan. Just simple reminders, and truth that got driven deeper into my heart. It does not always have to be out of the ordinary or highly ironic in order for God's hand to be working. I mean, me eating Bran Flakes everyday is God providing me manna (I've been reading Exodus lately :P).

So this is how I spent it....I blew a great portion, and I mean a great portion of my money on clothes hahaha. After much contemplation on what I should do with my money, those feelings just melted away as Hong Kong broke me with her allure. I was on vacation right, and my parents gave me money to enjoy myself, not to fill me with moral guilt right?? You ever go to a night club planning not to drink, but the atmosphere just changes your mind? This is kinda what happened. Hong Kong and Japan are ages beyond Canada in gadgets, fashion, and everything that would appeal to a young guy like me. And it's not like I go there often or can get any of this stuff in Canada. So that's what I did, I splurged (well by my standards). If we're gonna keep my night club analogy, I drank but wasn't drunk (also by my standards).

The loot I brought home included high quality denims, a brand name wallet, new phone, new camera, ridiculously priced hoodies and t-shirts, and colorful kicks and boots. All things I drool over when I surf the internet. All costing a grand total of about $3000Cdn!! Is it a bit much?? Maybe, maye not. Our service apartment we stayed at cost about $2000Cdn, and our trips into Mainland China and Japan weren't cheap either.

So did I spend my money the right way?....I don't see why not. Although I splurged on my trip, I don't think these things have a deathgrip on my life. I also have tons of money left over, and am secure financially so I didn't go completely overboard. I don't think I'd be wrong to say that money, although a great tool for God's kingdom, is not the only tool. So what you think? Did I spend it properly? If not, I don't think God's plans are stumped 'cause I spent his money improperly. It would just mean, I failed his test. I don't necessarily feel that way right now, but if when/if I do realize it, then I gained a lesson outta splurging...a very expensive lesson.

I think God wants us to enjoy the things he's put on this earth. Sounds like an excuse for my spending, but I think it's true. We just gotta be careful on where we draw the line and are moving contrary to God's heart.

And I did attend church while I was there, several different ones actually. So my thankfulness was expressed in tithings, and the Lord's monetary blessing was also poured out on a few "lucky" homeless people. These people made the homeless in Canada seem like kings. I've known of the poverty in Asia, but seeing them in person hits home in a different way. I think I'll talk 'bout this next.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol.1: My Money

Like I mentioned before, I was in Hong Kong the start of May 'til mid June. I wasn't there for any particular reason, just to have a good time, eat well, shop well, and live the Hong Kong life a little bit. And that's exactly what I did. On top of that, there were a few things that were put on my mind when I got there, whether God inspired thoughts or not, I'm gonna share 'em in these next few posts. I'm just gonna theme out what I went through/experienced in HK over a few posts so I won't be all over the place on this one alone....that, and multi-volumed titles are just cool hahaha. Alright let's get it poppin'!

Volume 1: My money

Before going on my big trip, I did what most vacationers do...I counted my stacks, and fattened my wallet to see how much I can help the Hong Kong economy. (a.k.a I checked my bank account to see how much I could spend:P). Expecting little, I did just that. I did make money with a single job the previous summer, but if you've seen the way I was living in London the past year, I would hardly call it saving money for my big trip. Regardless of that, I counted my money. I was suprised to see that I had about a grand in red pocket money from familly/familly friends that I wasn't around to collect when I was in London. On top of that, my mom told me she was gonna give me $2500Cdn to spend in Hong Kong from some US dollar account we had when we were kids. So I pretty much got 3.5 grand outta nowhere when I was just planning to spend what I had left in my bank account.

I wouldn't say I wasn't happy, but it was the most money I've ever come across all at one time in my life. I was confused. Do I just spend this money guilt free?? It was weird because it was very unlike my mom to give me money knowing how I spend. Even I felt uncomfortable spending it 'cause I personally don't like spending money I didn't "earn". Was it a gift from God? 'Cause I don't remember asking for it....unless this is His response to my prayer for ultra blessings in happiness and earthly enjoyment. Even if it was a gift from God, I don't feel I've done enough, or anything really for his kingdom to entrust me with this money. Or maybe that's not how it works when God gives us stuff :) At the same time it very well coulda been a trap set by Satan. What do I do with this money??

I talked to a friend and she said to keep these thoughts in my heart, God will show me what to do with it when the time comes. I had JLiu's story in mind when she said this. How he had this extra money which was the exact amount of money some girl needed for her missions trip. So this is kinda what I expected.

A week or 2 into my trip I met up with my dad who lives in Hong Kong. I haven't seen him in about 10 years, so being in Hong Kong it was a good opportunity to see him. So I meet up with him for lunch and it was good (another volume for the story :P). But before our food even comes, he hands me and my brother each a roll of $7000HK (about $1000Cdn) so we can go shopping. I was kinda expecting something from him, 'cause he's known to spoil us as kids, but not like this. A few weeks later after my brother and mom went back to Canada for work (I didin't 'cause I was unemployed yay!), my dad gave me another $7000HK roll!

I was getting more and more money, and I think you guys can guess how I spent some of it. I'll elaborate in my next post. But as Christian people, what are we supposed to do in this situation? Give it to the poor?? Was this money even from God?

Real Talk not real????

Yo what's up, long time no post.....I've been away in HK, summer's kickin' 'round so I've been kinda lazy on the posts. And posting isn't actually that easy for me, as in it's time consuming. I edit the crap outta these before I send 'em out to the public. You could say Eldon Real Talk isn't as "real" as the name implies. If you see some past posts, it's pretty much just me preaching, and throwing out the little Bible knowledge I know, alot of it isn't really about me. Well at least not the me I don't want the world seeing. Behind this virtual internet shield, I can look better than I actually am. I've actually considered stopping the posts 'cause of the lack of "realness", haha but iunno a little "realness" is better than none.

I'll try to be as superficially real as I can on this one here hahaha. I was in Toronto to see some of my friends get married. I stayed with a few people there, well 'cause I'm not from Toronto and I'm grateful that they even opened their place up. But honestly I didn't feel too welcome. It's not the fault of my hosts, it's just that I didn't consider they'd be working and fulfilling other commitments they have for the summer. Car-less, and unfamiliar with the city, I was sometimes stuck at my friend's parents' homes often without my friend even being there. So in other words I had to hang out with their parents. It's not as ackward as it may seem, but still....I feel like I'm getting in the way of people's lives. And I am.

I hear a lot of "come to HK to work Eldon", "find a job in Toronto", but honestly if I did, I don't think I'd actually see people that often 'cause we'd all be doing our own thing. I'm not a kid, I've seen this at the end of high school before so whatever. I guess we just do what's placed in our laps at the time, I have no control on the things around me. Let time flow a little more, and I bet people won't even remember me.

I'm kinda upset, but at the same time I'll probably, and most likely am already doing the same thing. Someone once told me that a lot of people feel this way after leaving such a strong support group such as ACF, but we shouldn't feel this way. I doesn't matter who it is, people are still just people...they will let us down. Only in God can we trust with our all. Right now I see my life as one sole relationship (that is with Christ), and with people as side things He places on my way to show more of Himself and myself to me. If you're reading this and saying "what about me though Eldon?!?". What about you??....I think I'd have my hands full dealing with the ones around me and learning 'bout myself, and I think you should do the same.

Stay tuned, I'll be droppin' posts non-stop for y'all these next few days to make up for lost time.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! That's why I look in the mirror everyday and realize how fly I am-Cam'ron

Iunno if you know, but I'm super self-conscious. I don't know if I come off as this way or not, but I am. I'm very insecure about myself, and am constantly concerned about how people see me. When I'm looking at pictures, I'm always checking myself first. I could care less how the people around me look. As long as I look fresh it's a good picture haha. Not so much now, but maybe 'round end of high school/1st year, I'd check myself out in the mirror non-stop. I mean, I would take little study breaks to check myself.

This just kinda came to mind from Yun-Ping praying for the girls about insecurity, about how they can hold their head up high 'cause they're beautiful in God's eyes. It's true, but often this just doesn't cut it for me. Which one of us does God not see as beautiful? God thinks we're all equally beautiful so what does it really mean? Of course I'm not gonna say I'm not beautiful 'cause I was made in the image of God, outta fear I dare not say anything that God has made to be ugly.

I guess I'm just trying to say, I'd like to be worldly beautiful sometimes. I 'aint just talking 'bout appearances either, I'm talking 'bout the beauty of my bank account, the beauty of my intellect, the beauty of my social class, hell the beauty of my cross-over etc.....But none of these things are important to the Lord, so why should I care? 'Cause everyone else does. Including me in regards to others.

Well let's get to my point, why am I posting about being worldly beautiful? It's 'cause girls care....Man, I haven't seen anyone in 4 years! My university career is coming to an end and I'm going home to a "asian Christian girl"less place. Where the hell am I gonna find a girl? I guess I've just been wondering that: if during my university career I woulda grown up a bit quicker, taken better care of my body, been a bit more ambitious about my career, had bigger money stacks, have been more "spiritually mature", or even have become a completely different person, would I be seeing someone by now? Or am I just too picky in regards to these same aspects towards girls? Whatever they may be, I'm girlfriendless right now and I 'aint getting any younger :P Don't get me wrong though...I regret nothing in these last 4 years. In fact, I don't believe in regret. If this is the way the Lord had it set out to be, then that's the way it is. Why would I wish it differently than the Lord has planned? It's stupid.

Will God provide my future spouse? Maybe...I don't know, He hasn't told me yet. Am I gonna be alright with it if He says no? I have no choice but to be. I guess I can be alone like Paul the apostle hahaha. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that one. Am I even prepared to take care of a girl yet? I don't know. The fact that I haven't had one in so long (in my eyes at least), I'm getting kinda restless to know if there is actually gonna be one out there for me. Throw all your pity comments at me and tell me how I have lots to offer. I really don't mind hearing it right now. It'll temporary fix my insecurity hahaha.