True to my Brothers

I've been thinking about what I've been doing here in London this last year or so, and I feel like I've kinda failed at reciprocating love back to God. This year more than ever, God has made it very apparent that He loves me to death (litterally :P...), and while basking in the wonderful feeling of it, I've failed to realize that I was doing a poor job at giving it back to Him. I'm not really talking about my personal relationship with God, because that has been great. I'm more dissapointed in my actions to show love towards my brothers in Christ.

Somebody shared the other night at one of our ACF gatherings about how even sinners can show love to those they like, but we are called to love even our enemies. I have been a picker and choose of who gets the excess of God's love that He's poured on me, and I feel I've cheated those who didn't get it because I wasn't as cool with them as others. I'm sure I've let down God from my inaction towards these brothers, but praise God for revealing this to me now. It's really been on my mind today, and I can only try my best to change my ways.

I know God will not love me any less because I've failed Him, but I'm just sorry to those people that I haven't paid as much attention to, and to God for showing such disobedience.

I found something good....PLEASE TRUST ME!!

I've had a few encounters with some friends this last while, and when Christianity was brought up, it seems like they were either turned off, or just confused about the issue. These aren't stupid people either, they're students like myself and I'm sure have a lot of insight on life, and experiences that I myself have not experienced. I don't look down on these people because they don't agree with what I believe as what I know was given from God, so I have no reason to be prideful in what God has given me. I would however just like to make this post to explain why I do what I do, and why I believe what I believe. I should share this in person, but....hahaha I'm kind of a pansy 'bout it, so if you wanna talk to me in person 'bout this, I would love to discuss it with you. Just let me know.

If you haven't figured it out already, I'm a Christian. I believe that God had sent his son Jesus Christ (who is actually God himself) to die in order to save SOME people despite what he knows about humans. What I mean by save, is that when we pass away, we get to go to heaven and spend eternity with God. Why we need to be saved is because we (mankind) are wicked people and is impossible to attain heaven by our wills alone. God gave us a way out, that if we accept what Jesus has done for us then we can spend eternity with Him. It makes no sense that the creator would let the things that He created slay Him, so that the createe would be able to get something they don't deserve. I believe in a God that has this incredible love for us.
I'm gonna be pretty blunt about this shit. I don't wanna water this down so I don't offend anybody.

What I believe is the truth. It's not a just a religion, it's the truth, and regardless whether anyone believes it or not, it's all true. I know this because God gave me this realization. When I talk to you guys 'bout going to church I'm hoping that you guys would have this same realization as myself. I'm doing this 'cause I found something good and I want you to have it too. I'm not trying to fill a stat sheet to show all my Christian friends of all the people I converted. I'm doing this 'cause I know you're good people and I don't wanna see you guys get f*** over when we die. God has even called us to save bad people, so it would break my heart to see a bunch of people that were assholes while on earth in heaven with me, while you guys are in hell. PLEASE just at least give it a chance!!! or talk to me about it.

You don't have to sing hymns in church if you think it's gay, you don't have to do anything, shit I'll buy you lunch if you come. I just really want you to take a listen to what the pastor has to say and hopefully will give you an insight on what's gonna save you. Christianity isn't about what you can or can't do. It's not a list of things to follow. It is to know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with him, it's to realize his ridiculous love for us and to accept it. God wants so bad for you to accept His love. It's free!

Yo, you guys know me, you see how I live my life. Am I so different, and a bad different, that it just totally turns you off of Christianity? I know there is a lot of sketchy stuff surrounding Christianity, and that's because Christians are still human, we mess up just like everyone else, and I'm sure God isn't too happy about it. You may even see some sketchy things in the Bible, the book we use that guides our lives, but once you have accepted Christ, He gives you a new understanding of what He's doing. And yes, because of our faith we do divide people, and God says in the Bible that Christians are going to make lots of enemies, and will be hated by the world but in the end it's all worth it. We divide, but we don't want to. I mean, if what we believe is true, I can't say I truly believe it if we compromise with the things of this world right...We're not trying to 'cause trouble, we're just following God.

If you choose to believe in another religion, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna see you in heaven. God does not let us choose our own way to reach Him. Only His way. Any religion that depends on oneself to attain God is wrong. How can an imperfect people do anything to reach a perfect being by our wills alone. I know the truth because God has told me, and only God can show you guys like He has shown me, but you'll never know Him until you let Him tell you. It's worth it, trust me!

Not Ambitious?...Or just Straight Up Lazy?

1 Timothy 6:7
For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.

Why bust our ass to strive for all these pretty things that the world has to offer when we can't take any of it with us when we pass in a few decades? Why even do things that'll preserve our name on this earth when we won't be around to know about it? It's all a big waste of energy if you ask me, yet there's a part of me that wants to do it anyways. Regardless of my knowledge of this, sometimes I still want to impress the foolish beings we call humans in my time here on earth instead of looking to impress the one I'll be living with forever.

So, what am I doing that'll last for eternity?!?... I believe God is showing me everyday. Striving to know God, loving His people, obeying and following Him, really anything that shows God's glory will last forever because God is the ONLY thing that is forever.

Right now I'm not exactly sure where God wants to lead me or what he wants me to do, but I'm sure God can use me anywhere He pleases. I mean, I'd really like to do accounting but the way things are looking, it's a big maybe. He knows me better than myself and in no way does He let things happen to me to harm me, so whatever happens....happens, I'll let God do His thing right?

I'm often scared to think this way though, as it could be my own excuse for laziness. I also justify it by saying it's the opposite of ambitious, but I'm not too sure. I'm not sure 'cause I know I'm lazy but still want to be an accountant. I just don't find the worth of working so hard in school to ensure my career in accounting. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't study at all, just not as crazy as these other nuccas at school. I mean..I know dudes that breathe school both christian and non-christian alike. It's their life!! I just don't understand what can be so appealing about killing yourself to achieve something you don't get for very long.

Accounting for the glory of God!?!?! It's possible I guess, so killing yourself for the sake of God is worth it if accounting's where God has placed you to shine. But when I'm not sure where He's putting me, should I still bust my ass to strive for this accounting business? Once again God can use me any way, anywhere....

I really don't want to strive for something of such little value, while at the same time not wanting it to be an excuse for being lazy. Am I Selfish?....maybe, Confused?.....very....but I'm just living life. I'm pleased with everything God has given me, I have joy, I have peace, I'm happy (most the time), and I have my eyes and heart for the Lord.

I know there must be a God when I don't know what the hell is going on in my life, a joy (you could say) in my life knowing that there must be a pure and ultimate being who actually does know what's going on.

"Knowledge is King"-Kool Moe Dee

I went to the Chinese Alliance Winter Conference in Calgary this Christmas break and just got back yesterday. The main speaker for the english side was some guy named Dr. Philemon Choi. He's supposed to be super famous and respected in HK and Asia. He's know for his ministry with the government there, his work with the youth in HK, and he just has crazy experience under his belt. If you got chinese christian parents from HK, ask your mommy or daddy, they probably know him.

It was his first time speaking to just the english side and there were high expectations from him. People from the cantonese side skipped their own lectures to come hear him speak. So I'm like "alright, let's hear what the man has to say", I was excited to hear something that would change my life. Unfortunately dude kinda sucked in my opinion.....I'm not gonna say I got nothing outta his talks, just didin't live up to the hype. I think it might be regardless of how compelling his sermons are know to be, there's still a language barrier such that he can't express himself like he does in cantonese. I could tell Dr. Choi had a huge heart for God, and I could see he was pouring himself out.... but it just didn't appeal to me.

I don't wanna hear the crap that I didn't listen to his sermons with an open heart or anything like that either, if what he said doesn't appeal to me, then it doesn't appeal to me. I'm all for learning more and getting wiser too, so for whatever reason, I just didn't get that much out of it. I was kinda dissapointed, knowing that learning about God is unlimited and I only got so little out of a hyped up conference like this.

I'm not sure, but maybe I'm "overblessed" in my fellowship in London, or that the talks our fellowship counsellor gives have broken me down so much already that I'm immune to Dr. Choi's talks. Maybe, his talks weren't geared towards myself....iunno. There were however lots of people that were clinging on to his every word, and I'm not sure, but I think they were just hopin' on the bandwagon 'cause of Dr. Choi's hype. I could be wrong, maybe they really were touched by God through Dr. Choi and that's great!, but if not, there's nothing I hate more than the fakeness in people. Just be you!....I think it's so dangerous at conferences like these that people just start acting a way that they normally wouldn't so they don't look like an idiot. I'm very cautious on what people have to teach me as well.....I mean, I don't know who these people are and how they live everyday. Who are they to tell me anything!?!

Right now I feel kind of arrogant with my faith and I feel bad about it. I don't think God has given me knowledge so I can look down on people. I'm probably more of a fool myself for having this mentality. This christian life is so hard sometimes, actually it's impossible. The more things I learn, there's more things I get to screw up. I guess thank God's grace for giving me this revelation of how stupid I can be, maybe this is the real reason God has brought me to this conference.