Why Were We Created?

I was reading a book and I thought I'd bring this up. Maybe someone can help me out. If not, I hope it's still a good read. So why did God create us? I don't really usually like thinking too hard about this kinda stuff, as it usually leads to the answer "God'll show us when we die" or "we as humans don't have the intellect to comprehend the things of God". So it pretty much means, we really don't know, but we can make the best guess with the clues that are left to us.

In the past year or so, I've always thought that we were made completely for our own benefit. That is, God has nothing to gain from making us, and that we humans have everything to gain from being created. It says in John 17:5, 24 that God existed in love and glory within the Trinity. That is, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were just fine and happy before mankind was created, as He had everything He needed within Himself. Yet after the creation of man, there's all the heartbreak and grief that we cause Him from our sin, the pain and sadness that we bring him when we deny His love, and He had to come down from his comfy heavenly realm to die by the hands of the very people he's saving. So in my mind, God pretty much took an extra step to "unnecessarily" (I can't question God's will so I can't say that mankind was unnecessary :P) put up with and endure the crap that mankind brings him, just to save a people that doesn't deserve salvation. I don't really see where God has to gain from any of this. But I guess this is why this makes God a god of love. Love is completely sacrificial, when we truly love I don't think we're supposed to get anything in return.

So am I wrong to say that we were created completely for our benefit? It says in my book that we were created for God's glory, and I guess that makes sense to me. When God shows this kind of mercy and love to an undeserving people, I would suppose there's glory to be had out of this. But I thought to myself, what exactly does "glory" mean? Didn't he have glory before He created us, He does not need to prove that he's worthy of glory by creating us. I also had a friend that told me we were created for His pleasure. I can accept that as well. But the same question comes back to mind. What does bringing Him pleasure mean? It's not as if He couldn't have pleasure if we weren't created. So I don't see why we were created, other than for the fact that God just wanted to overflow His love unto us, just so that we can enjoy it. To those who haven't accepted Christ yet, doesn't it just make so much sense that this is and should be the one true God that we should worship and believe in? I encourage you to send your thoughts my way if you don't think so, 'cause I'm struggling to accept how people can believe anything else.

Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable......teach the unteachable??

Have you ever come across those people that just got it so twisted, it's just frustrations if you try to teach them. Like kids that don't understand why 4 X 4= 16, they just don't understand, and there's no real reasoning behind it. If someone insists stealing or killing is right regardless of how I show them that it's wrong, it's a futile cause. Often just 'cause I understand, I expect everyone else to as well. And if not, I get upset. It's a me that I've come to hate, 'cause I've been the one to not understand at one point. So what can I do but to just let it slide? If they don't wanna hear it, fine....go do whatever you want, when you figure it out, good for you. If not, well too bad. Why get upset over this kinda stuff.

I remember having a conversation with Enoch 'bout how some people are just meant to not understand. I insisted that it's 'cause we haven't done our all to make them understand. I think at men's cell he said I may have had a point, but of course I came with this opinion without getting my hands dirty trying to convince someone myself. I don't know if I can believe my own opinion nowadays. Some people just aren't convinced... and they won't be until they look through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. But if they have no intention in looking through these eyes, there's nothing I can do...'cause it's the Holy Spirit that makes them want it. Please correct me if there's a theological flaw in this. But it seems kinda cyclical....it's kinda saying to me that, if the Spirit comes, then it comes. If it was meant to be, then it was meant to be.

So, is waiting all we can do until someone does understand? I don't really know how you can teach someone to believe with their heart. I've been reading this book called "The Case For Faith", and after hearing all the arguments against/for Christianity, at the end you just kinda believe or not. If the Spirit touches you, you believe, if not then you don't. It's really unteachable. There's clues that are thrown around that show the truth, but at the end it's just a question of do you believe or not. It makes so much sense to me 'cause faith just seems radical enough of an idea to satisfy and permit acceptance from a holy ultimate being.

Big Churches Poppin'/Little Churches Stoppin'

Man, I'm so pissed right now, and I don't even know if I should be. Maybe it's 'cause I miss London and the life I left behind there. But these last few weeks, I've been searching for a new church to go to in Saskatoon, I feel the former church I went to, Saskatoon Chinese Alliance Church isn't really for me anymore. There just isn't a congregation of english speaking people that attend there anymore, that and I highly question the leadership and vision of that church, that is if they even have one.

I thought things would be fine and dandy 'cause I was thinking of attending this one church I've gone to a few times before, but I don't know if it's for me either. I don't know if it's right for me to be so critical in regards to this kinda stuff, but it does in fact make me mad the way they operate at this church. It is a rather large church so I guess they have to appeal to a more general audience....and that's kinda where my problem lies.

After experiencing God in such a powerful way in London, I want that same experience here. And I don't know if this church is really what I'm looking for. Chia wrote once that he picked his church from the opportunities that were available to serve, but I don't know if I can completely agree with that. It's people that make up the church, and without that fellowship with other Christians, I don't know why I wouldn't just listen to Hillsongs at home and read some books on my own. I don't think I would feel comfortable just going in, do my little part to further the service, and that's it. (Which is kinda what I did last summer hahaha). I'm looking for at least that little bit of fellowship.

My main problem with the new church is how they kind of distort God's Word to fit the so called "newb" Christian. Often I find their explanations in sermons aren't really biblically founded, and today they've changed some words to a praise song to what I believe would be less offensive to those who are new or don't understand the Word. Am I wrong to say that this is dangerous ground to walk on?? Isn't it dangerous to know a half truth or water down version of God? I remember when we did a Bible study in Men's cell in London, and Yun Ping talked about how the great falling away may happen because the church expects a "Spiritual Santa Clause" rather than a Jesus that tramples the nations with holiness. For whatever reason, I'm just really mad that I see the Truth this way. I don't know if this is really bothering me, or if I'm just frustrated that I'm not finding what I so thoroughly enjoyed in London. I miss Roger speaking. I miss P&R. I miss the fellowship and genuine worship in ACF. And I miss Pastor Mike's sermons full of biblical sense.

Is this my mission field? If so I don't even know where to begin. In London I could bring people to West London and ACF. I don't know how I can bring people anywhere here when I myself am not happy with the churches I go to. There's still some other churches I haven't tried, but I'm just so frustrated I'm ready to settle for the building with the coldest A/C.

Hello New World, Here We Come On Them Twinkie Trees Screamin' We On Our Way

I look back at my years at Western, and I think I screwed up. I definitely didn't work as hard as I could of academically, it's like I couldn't see past the four years that were due for me there. I used ACF as an excuse for being too busy, but in fact I was and am just a very lazy person. Though I may feel I've done more than others in the fellowship, I don't think it should be used as a standard to measure my failure in school. Maybe it's my pride talking, discrediting the smarts of every other student at my school, but my transcript shouldn't look the way that it does. I say that I'd work harder every year, but when things got hard, and I couldn't hang in there, there was always some excuse to explain why my grades were horrible. Maybe how I performed was in fact my limit if it's consistently horrible, given my laziness, this was actually the best I could do.

Taking a step back and looking at the real world, things aren't as naively digestible as when I was in university. After I've graduated, things seem different. When you're taking a third person look at something, things don't seem as correct as it used to. Just like how I was in high school, or even earlier in university, everything seemed so right from the perspective of that person. I look back, and I never wanna be that person again...but whatever, hindsight's always 20/20 right. At Western, my attitude towards school seemed crystal clear, but it isn't as black and white as it was. I didn't like grinding it out, and I used a biblical scapegoat. Even had myself fooled. I guess this sounds like regret, but it's not....I don't believe in regret...there's nothing I can do to change what I've done, but I do have new perspective.

During university, I felt like I was on the right track to becoming a better person, but I don't necessarily like the person I've become. I think God has shown the hypocrisy in my life. I don't know if I'm as right with Him as I thought I was. Sometimes I honestly don't know if I'm really that much different from that kid I was in high school. Yeah, it's true that I don't do some of the stuff I used to....but I can't just let my change in preferences explain that I'm a better person, when in fact it is just that....a change in preference. I'm not really that different at all.

When enough people have told you that you're different, that you've grown as a person, you begin to believe it as well. I'm not saying I haven't grown at all, but it just seems like too little in too long of a time. There's so much I don't know.....and I want to, and I wanna be that person. To quote Hova "I 'aint close to God, but I'm working goddamn hard"....well I'm trying. Excuse the "french".

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 4: My Family

It wasn't until I went back to Hong Kong that I realized there's a gap in my family. It never really occurred to me before 'cause I pretty much have only ever dealt with my mom's side. When I went back though, I got a hold of my dad ('cause it was the right thing to do?? I don't know) just to have a chance to see him after all these years. When I met up with him, it wasn't really that ackward. I guess he's still family, but more of an uncle that spoils us rather than a real "typical" father. And I'm actually cool with that. I don't feel like I really need him per se, I'm fine with what I got right now. But I guess on the lines of seeing him almost as a friend, I got to like him more than my actual family. You know how it is...you'd wanna chill with your friends, but when it comes down to it, you would do stuff for your family before any of your friends.

Because I met with him, he wanted me to have dinner with my uncles and aunties on his side while I was there. I've met them before, but this time it was just a reminder of how cool my uncles on my dad's side were. They were all really funny, talkative, and were "somebody" in this world. They seemed like the ideal people for me to be looking up to. They talked about interest rates, big businesses, stocks, and money making. It was during basking in the enjoyment of having such cool relatives that I realized that this side of my family has actually been cut off from us my whole life. Though it's nice to see them after such a long period of time, we were never actually in touch, they never sent Xmas cards, or anything like that, I would think because of my parents' situation. My dad has 6 siblings, and I got a bunch of cousins on that side as well, so it was a big family.

Now as I'm kinda all alone in Saskatoon, I just kinda feel it was too bad I lost part of my family 'cause my parents screwed it up. I'm feel like I have to pick sides or something. I don't know if this is what kids deal with when their parents get divorced when they're young, but I guess I get to deal with it now :P I didn't go through the "it's my fault they were divorced" phase you often see on TV, well frankly...'cause I'm too arrogant to take blame for something like this. How could this possibly be my fault, it's stupid. Anywho, I actually think my dad's side of the family is cooler, yet my mom's side's the ones that raised me, put me through school, and did all the real parenting. Matter of fact, I was living with my uncle on my mom's side after my mom and brother left back to Canada, so it really was like a friends VS family ordeal. Though it wasn't the most glamourous living with my uncle, it seemed more of like a family-like burden to take me in, as opposed to fine dinning with my friends. Yet I thought my uncles on my dad's side were cooler hahaha. I guess my point is, it's just really too bad I couldn't have it all. It sucks that I have to hold back from praising my dad when i'm around my mom, and I have to watch what I say when I'm with my dad. It's stupid! And when things get stupid, I like to do what I do best, brush it off and "not care" about it.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol.3: Poverty

It's actually kinda hard for me to write about this as it's not as fresh in my memory as it was when I was actually in Hong Kong. And nowadays, I've actually got other things on my mind that I would rather post, but here goes....maybe it'll mean something to someone.

Volume 3: Poverty

So from my last posts, you already know droppin' huge amounts of dough on all the pretty things I like to buy. Hong Kong was one of the most seductive places I've ever been, meaning that it's probably not uncommon to spend the way I spent there. Well at least it seemed like it to me. Let's just say they have a higher standard of appearances, and money flaunting techniques that we don't have in Canada. I'm not saying we don't have any at all, but not as much as Hong Kong. "Cash rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill y'all" would seem appropriate to describe their attitude there. So some of the richest people I've ever seen were in Hong Kong, but at the same time, the poor there are ...seriously poor! After seeing the kinda poverty in Hong Kong and Mainland China, I actually don't wanna ever give money to the homeless in Canada again. I mean, the homeless in Canada CHOOSE to be homeless (enlighten me if I'm wrong on this). Because I find it absurd that someone living under such high government protection, and equity balanced focus can actually be without a job or not have enough from wellfare to at least live indoors. Point is, the homeless in HK/China are in a lot of trouble.

So how can I help them? One of the things I don't fully understand is how Jesus teaches us to give to the poor, and help the widowed etc. It feels like the right thing to do, but does it really even help these people? I guess it reflects the love of Christ through us, but is that sufficient? I kinda feel like being charitable actually helps myself more than the needy. Why? 'Cause I'm learning...they however are not any better off if they still don't accept the gospel. So how do we help the needy? And why do we make them out as needing Christ more than the people we see around us everyday? Are they easier to convert to Christ? Do they require more love 'cause they don't have the World's blanket to keep them warm? I don't think they "deserve" salvation any more than any other human being, yet I wanna help them and don't know how.

In our society, we kinda just mind our own. I barely talk to my friends about Christ, how do I share with the homeless? How do we make somebody understand something that can't be expressed in words? Or do I do what I can and leave it up to God? Love by giving money?? hahaha iunno.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 2: My Splurge

Volume 2: My Splurge

I hope you didn't set your expectations too high for the ending to my money spending story, 'cause there really wasn't any extraordinary revealing of God's master plan. Just simple reminders, and truth that got driven deeper into my heart. It does not always have to be out of the ordinary or highly ironic in order for God's hand to be working. I mean, me eating Bran Flakes everyday is God providing me manna (I've been reading Exodus lately :P).

So this is how I spent it....I blew a great portion, and I mean a great portion of my money on clothes hahaha. After much contemplation on what I should do with my money, those feelings just melted away as Hong Kong broke me with her allure. I was on vacation right, and my parents gave me money to enjoy myself, not to fill me with moral guilt right?? You ever go to a night club planning not to drink, but the atmosphere just changes your mind? This is kinda what happened. Hong Kong and Japan are ages beyond Canada in gadgets, fashion, and everything that would appeal to a young guy like me. And it's not like I go there often or can get any of this stuff in Canada. So that's what I did, I splurged (well by my standards). If we're gonna keep my night club analogy, I drank but wasn't drunk (also by my standards).

The loot I brought home included high quality denims, a brand name wallet, new phone, new camera, ridiculously priced hoodies and t-shirts, and colorful kicks and boots. All things I drool over when I surf the internet. All costing a grand total of about $3000Cdn!! Is it a bit much?? Maybe, maye not. Our service apartment we stayed at cost about $2000Cdn, and our trips into Mainland China and Japan weren't cheap either.

So did I spend my money the right way?....I don't see why not. Although I splurged on my trip, I don't think these things have a deathgrip on my life. I also have tons of money left over, and am secure financially so I didn't go completely overboard. I don't think I'd be wrong to say that money, although a great tool for God's kingdom, is not the only tool. So what you think? Did I spend it properly? If not, I don't think God's plans are stumped 'cause I spent his money improperly. It would just mean, I failed his test. I don't necessarily feel that way right now, but if when/if I do realize it, then I gained a lesson outta splurging...a very expensive lesson.

I think God wants us to enjoy the things he's put on this earth. Sounds like an excuse for my spending, but I think it's true. We just gotta be careful on where we draw the line and are moving contrary to God's heart.

And I did attend church while I was there, several different ones actually. So my thankfulness was expressed in tithings, and the Lord's monetary blessing was also poured out on a few "lucky" homeless people. These people made the homeless in Canada seem like kings. I've known of the poverty in Asia, but seeing them in person hits home in a different way. I think I'll talk 'bout this next.