Why Were We Created?

I was reading a book and I thought I'd bring this up. Maybe someone can help me out. If not, I hope it's still a good read. So why did God create us? I don't really usually like thinking too hard about this kinda stuff, as it usually leads to the answer "God'll show us when we die" or "we as humans don't have the intellect to comprehend the things of God". So it pretty much means, we really don't know, but we can make the best guess with the clues that are left to us.

In the past year or so, I've always thought that we were made completely for our own benefit. That is, God has nothing to gain from making us, and that we humans have everything to gain from being created. It says in John 17:5, 24 that God existed in love and glory within the Trinity. That is, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were just fine and happy before mankind was created, as He had everything He needed within Himself. Yet after the creation of man, there's all the heartbreak and grief that we cause Him from our sin, the pain and sadness that we bring him when we deny His love, and He had to come down from his comfy heavenly realm to die by the hands of the very people he's saving. So in my mind, God pretty much took an extra step to "unnecessarily" (I can't question God's will so I can't say that mankind was unnecessary :P) put up with and endure the crap that mankind brings him, just to save a people that doesn't deserve salvation. I don't really see where God has to gain from any of this. But I guess this is why this makes God a god of love. Love is completely sacrificial, when we truly love I don't think we're supposed to get anything in return.

So am I wrong to say that we were created completely for our benefit? It says in my book that we were created for God's glory, and I guess that makes sense to me. When God shows this kind of mercy and love to an undeserving people, I would suppose there's glory to be had out of this. But I thought to myself, what exactly does "glory" mean? Didn't he have glory before He created us, He does not need to prove that he's worthy of glory by creating us. I also had a friend that told me we were created for His pleasure. I can accept that as well. But the same question comes back to mind. What does bringing Him pleasure mean? It's not as if He couldn't have pleasure if we weren't created. So I don't see why we were created, other than for the fact that God just wanted to overflow His love unto us, just so that we can enjoy it. To those who haven't accepted Christ yet, doesn't it just make so much sense that this is and should be the one true God that we should worship and believe in? I encourage you to send your thoughts my way if you don't think so, 'cause I'm struggling to accept how people can believe anything else.

Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable......teach the unteachable??

Have you ever come across those people that just got it so twisted, it's just frustrations if you try to teach them. Like kids that don't understand why 4 X 4= 16, they just don't understand, and there's no real reasoning behind it. If someone insists stealing or killing is right regardless of how I show them that it's wrong, it's a futile cause. Often just 'cause I understand, I expect everyone else to as well. And if not, I get upset. It's a me that I've come to hate, 'cause I've been the one to not understand at one point. So what can I do but to just let it slide? If they don't wanna hear it, fine....go do whatever you want, when you figure it out, good for you. If not, well too bad. Why get upset over this kinda stuff.

I remember having a conversation with Enoch 'bout how some people are just meant to not understand. I insisted that it's 'cause we haven't done our all to make them understand. I think at men's cell he said I may have had a point, but of course I came with this opinion without getting my hands dirty trying to convince someone myself. I don't know if I can believe my own opinion nowadays. Some people just aren't convinced... and they won't be until they look through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. But if they have no intention in looking through these eyes, there's nothing I can do...'cause it's the Holy Spirit that makes them want it. Please correct me if there's a theological flaw in this. But it seems kinda cyclical....it's kinda saying to me that, if the Spirit comes, then it comes. If it was meant to be, then it was meant to be.

So, is waiting all we can do until someone does understand? I don't really know how you can teach someone to believe with their heart. I've been reading this book called "The Case For Faith", and after hearing all the arguments against/for Christianity, at the end you just kinda believe or not. If the Spirit touches you, you believe, if not then you don't. It's really unteachable. There's clues that are thrown around that show the truth, but at the end it's just a question of do you believe or not. It makes so much sense to me 'cause faith just seems radical enough of an idea to satisfy and permit acceptance from a holy ultimate being.

Big Churches Poppin'/Little Churches Stoppin'

Man, I'm so pissed right now, and I don't even know if I should be. Maybe it's 'cause I miss London and the life I left behind there. But these last few weeks, I've been searching for a new church to go to in Saskatoon, I feel the former church I went to, Saskatoon Chinese Alliance Church isn't really for me anymore. There just isn't a congregation of english speaking people that attend there anymore, that and I highly question the leadership and vision of that church, that is if they even have one.

I thought things would be fine and dandy 'cause I was thinking of attending this one church I've gone to a few times before, but I don't know if it's for me either. I don't know if it's right for me to be so critical in regards to this kinda stuff, but it does in fact make me mad the way they operate at this church. It is a rather large church so I guess they have to appeal to a more general audience....and that's kinda where my problem lies.

After experiencing God in such a powerful way in London, I want that same experience here. And I don't know if this church is really what I'm looking for. Chia wrote once that he picked his church from the opportunities that were available to serve, but I don't know if I can completely agree with that. It's people that make up the church, and without that fellowship with other Christians, I don't know why I wouldn't just listen to Hillsongs at home and read some books on my own. I don't think I would feel comfortable just going in, do my little part to further the service, and that's it. (Which is kinda what I did last summer hahaha). I'm looking for at least that little bit of fellowship.

My main problem with the new church is how they kind of distort God's Word to fit the so called "newb" Christian. Often I find their explanations in sermons aren't really biblically founded, and today they've changed some words to a praise song to what I believe would be less offensive to those who are new or don't understand the Word. Am I wrong to say that this is dangerous ground to walk on?? Isn't it dangerous to know a half truth or water down version of God? I remember when we did a Bible study in Men's cell in London, and Yun Ping talked about how the great falling away may happen because the church expects a "Spiritual Santa Clause" rather than a Jesus that tramples the nations with holiness. For whatever reason, I'm just really mad that I see the Truth this way. I don't know if this is really bothering me, or if I'm just frustrated that I'm not finding what I so thoroughly enjoyed in London. I miss Roger speaking. I miss P&R. I miss the fellowship and genuine worship in ACF. And I miss Pastor Mike's sermons full of biblical sense.

Is this my mission field? If so I don't even know where to begin. In London I could bring people to West London and ACF. I don't know how I can bring people anywhere here when I myself am not happy with the churches I go to. There's still some other churches I haven't tried, but I'm just so frustrated I'm ready to settle for the building with the coldest A/C.

Hello New World, Here We Come On Them Twinkie Trees Screamin' We On Our Way

I look back at my years at Western, and I think I screwed up. I definitely didn't work as hard as I could of academically, it's like I couldn't see past the four years that were due for me there. I used ACF as an excuse for being too busy, but in fact I was and am just a very lazy person. Though I may feel I've done more than others in the fellowship, I don't think it should be used as a standard to measure my failure in school. Maybe it's my pride talking, discrediting the smarts of every other student at my school, but my transcript shouldn't look the way that it does. I say that I'd work harder every year, but when things got hard, and I couldn't hang in there, there was always some excuse to explain why my grades were horrible. Maybe how I performed was in fact my limit if it's consistently horrible, given my laziness, this was actually the best I could do.

Taking a step back and looking at the real world, things aren't as naively digestible as when I was in university. After I've graduated, things seem different. When you're taking a third person look at something, things don't seem as correct as it used to. Just like how I was in high school, or even earlier in university, everything seemed so right from the perspective of that person. I look back, and I never wanna be that person again...but whatever, hindsight's always 20/20 right. At Western, my attitude towards school seemed crystal clear, but it isn't as black and white as it was. I didn't like grinding it out, and I used a biblical scapegoat. Even had myself fooled. I guess this sounds like regret, but it's not....I don't believe in regret...there's nothing I can do to change what I've done, but I do have new perspective.

During university, I felt like I was on the right track to becoming a better person, but I don't necessarily like the person I've become. I think God has shown the hypocrisy in my life. I don't know if I'm as right with Him as I thought I was. Sometimes I honestly don't know if I'm really that much different from that kid I was in high school. Yeah, it's true that I don't do some of the stuff I used to....but I can't just let my change in preferences explain that I'm a better person, when in fact it is just that....a change in preference. I'm not really that different at all.

When enough people have told you that you're different, that you've grown as a person, you begin to believe it as well. I'm not saying I haven't grown at all, but it just seems like too little in too long of a time. There's so much I don't know.....and I want to, and I wanna be that person. To quote Hova "I 'aint close to God, but I'm working goddamn hard"....well I'm trying. Excuse the "french".

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 4: My Family

It wasn't until I went back to Hong Kong that I realized there's a gap in my family. It never really occurred to me before 'cause I pretty much have only ever dealt with my mom's side. When I went back though, I got a hold of my dad ('cause it was the right thing to do?? I don't know) just to have a chance to see him after all these years. When I met up with him, it wasn't really that ackward. I guess he's still family, but more of an uncle that spoils us rather than a real "typical" father. And I'm actually cool with that. I don't feel like I really need him per se, I'm fine with what I got right now. But I guess on the lines of seeing him almost as a friend, I got to like him more than my actual family. You know how it is...you'd wanna chill with your friends, but when it comes down to it, you would do stuff for your family before any of your friends.

Because I met with him, he wanted me to have dinner with my uncles and aunties on his side while I was there. I've met them before, but this time it was just a reminder of how cool my uncles on my dad's side were. They were all really funny, talkative, and were "somebody" in this world. They seemed like the ideal people for me to be looking up to. They talked about interest rates, big businesses, stocks, and money making. It was during basking in the enjoyment of having such cool relatives that I realized that this side of my family has actually been cut off from us my whole life. Though it's nice to see them after such a long period of time, we were never actually in touch, they never sent Xmas cards, or anything like that, I would think because of my parents' situation. My dad has 6 siblings, and I got a bunch of cousins on that side as well, so it was a big family.

Now as I'm kinda all alone in Saskatoon, I just kinda feel it was too bad I lost part of my family 'cause my parents screwed it up. I'm feel like I have to pick sides or something. I don't know if this is what kids deal with when their parents get divorced when they're young, but I guess I get to deal with it now :P I didn't go through the "it's my fault they were divorced" phase you often see on TV, well frankly...'cause I'm too arrogant to take blame for something like this. How could this possibly be my fault, it's stupid. Anywho, I actually think my dad's side of the family is cooler, yet my mom's side's the ones that raised me, put me through school, and did all the real parenting. Matter of fact, I was living with my uncle on my mom's side after my mom and brother left back to Canada, so it really was like a friends VS family ordeal. Though it wasn't the most glamourous living with my uncle, it seemed more of like a family-like burden to take me in, as opposed to fine dinning with my friends. Yet I thought my uncles on my dad's side were cooler hahaha. I guess my point is, it's just really too bad I couldn't have it all. It sucks that I have to hold back from praising my dad when i'm around my mom, and I have to watch what I say when I'm with my dad. It's stupid! And when things get stupid, I like to do what I do best, brush it off and "not care" about it.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol.3: Poverty

It's actually kinda hard for me to write about this as it's not as fresh in my memory as it was when I was actually in Hong Kong. And nowadays, I've actually got other things on my mind that I would rather post, but here goes....maybe it'll mean something to someone.

Volume 3: Poverty

So from my last posts, you already know droppin' huge amounts of dough on all the pretty things I like to buy. Hong Kong was one of the most seductive places I've ever been, meaning that it's probably not uncommon to spend the way I spent there. Well at least it seemed like it to me. Let's just say they have a higher standard of appearances, and money flaunting techniques that we don't have in Canada. I'm not saying we don't have any at all, but not as much as Hong Kong. "Cash rules everything around me, dolla dolla bill y'all" would seem appropriate to describe their attitude there. So some of the richest people I've ever seen were in Hong Kong, but at the same time, the poor there are ...seriously poor! After seeing the kinda poverty in Hong Kong and Mainland China, I actually don't wanna ever give money to the homeless in Canada again. I mean, the homeless in Canada CHOOSE to be homeless (enlighten me if I'm wrong on this). Because I find it absurd that someone living under such high government protection, and equity balanced focus can actually be without a job or not have enough from wellfare to at least live indoors. Point is, the homeless in HK/China are in a lot of trouble.

So how can I help them? One of the things I don't fully understand is how Jesus teaches us to give to the poor, and help the widowed etc. It feels like the right thing to do, but does it really even help these people? I guess it reflects the love of Christ through us, but is that sufficient? I kinda feel like being charitable actually helps myself more than the needy. Why? 'Cause I'm learning...they however are not any better off if they still don't accept the gospel. So how do we help the needy? And why do we make them out as needing Christ more than the people we see around us everyday? Are they easier to convert to Christ? Do they require more love 'cause they don't have the World's blanket to keep them warm? I don't think they "deserve" salvation any more than any other human being, yet I wanna help them and don't know how.

In our society, we kinda just mind our own. I barely talk to my friends about Christ, how do I share with the homeless? How do we make somebody understand something that can't be expressed in words? Or do I do what I can and leave it up to God? Love by giving money?? hahaha iunno.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol. 2: My Splurge

Volume 2: My Splurge

I hope you didn't set your expectations too high for the ending to my money spending story, 'cause there really wasn't any extraordinary revealing of God's master plan. Just simple reminders, and truth that got driven deeper into my heart. It does not always have to be out of the ordinary or highly ironic in order for God's hand to be working. I mean, me eating Bran Flakes everyday is God providing me manna (I've been reading Exodus lately :P).

So this is how I spent it....I blew a great portion, and I mean a great portion of my money on clothes hahaha. After much contemplation on what I should do with my money, those feelings just melted away as Hong Kong broke me with her allure. I was on vacation right, and my parents gave me money to enjoy myself, not to fill me with moral guilt right?? You ever go to a night club planning not to drink, but the atmosphere just changes your mind? This is kinda what happened. Hong Kong and Japan are ages beyond Canada in gadgets, fashion, and everything that would appeal to a young guy like me. And it's not like I go there often or can get any of this stuff in Canada. So that's what I did, I splurged (well by my standards). If we're gonna keep my night club analogy, I drank but wasn't drunk (also by my standards).

The loot I brought home included high quality denims, a brand name wallet, new phone, new camera, ridiculously priced hoodies and t-shirts, and colorful kicks and boots. All things I drool over when I surf the internet. All costing a grand total of about $3000Cdn!! Is it a bit much?? Maybe, maye not. Our service apartment we stayed at cost about $2000Cdn, and our trips into Mainland China and Japan weren't cheap either.

So did I spend my money the right way?....I don't see why not. Although I splurged on my trip, I don't think these things have a deathgrip on my life. I also have tons of money left over, and am secure financially so I didn't go completely overboard. I don't think I'd be wrong to say that money, although a great tool for God's kingdom, is not the only tool. So what you think? Did I spend it properly? If not, I don't think God's plans are stumped 'cause I spent his money improperly. It would just mean, I failed his test. I don't necessarily feel that way right now, but if when/if I do realize it, then I gained a lesson outta splurging...a very expensive lesson.

I think God wants us to enjoy the things he's put on this earth. Sounds like an excuse for my spending, but I think it's true. We just gotta be careful on where we draw the line and are moving contrary to God's heart.

And I did attend church while I was there, several different ones actually. So my thankfulness was expressed in tithings, and the Lord's monetary blessing was also poured out on a few "lucky" homeless people. These people made the homeless in Canada seem like kings. I've known of the poverty in Asia, but seeing them in person hits home in a different way. I think I'll talk 'bout this next.

Hong Kong Diaries Vol.1: My Money

Like I mentioned before, I was in Hong Kong the start of May 'til mid June. I wasn't there for any particular reason, just to have a good time, eat well, shop well, and live the Hong Kong life a little bit. And that's exactly what I did. On top of that, there were a few things that were put on my mind when I got there, whether God inspired thoughts or not, I'm gonna share 'em in these next few posts. I'm just gonna theme out what I went through/experienced in HK over a few posts so I won't be all over the place on this one alone....that, and multi-volumed titles are just cool hahaha. Alright let's get it poppin'!

Volume 1: My money

Before going on my big trip, I did what most vacationers do...I counted my stacks, and fattened my wallet to see how much I can help the Hong Kong economy. (a.k.a I checked my bank account to see how much I could spend:P). Expecting little, I did just that. I did make money with a single job the previous summer, but if you've seen the way I was living in London the past year, I would hardly call it saving money for my big trip. Regardless of that, I counted my money. I was suprised to see that I had about a grand in red pocket money from familly/familly friends that I wasn't around to collect when I was in London. On top of that, my mom told me she was gonna give me $2500Cdn to spend in Hong Kong from some US dollar account we had when we were kids. So I pretty much got 3.5 grand outta nowhere when I was just planning to spend what I had left in my bank account.

I wouldn't say I wasn't happy, but it was the most money I've ever come across all at one time in my life. I was confused. Do I just spend this money guilt free?? It was weird because it was very unlike my mom to give me money knowing how I spend. Even I felt uncomfortable spending it 'cause I personally don't like spending money I didn't "earn". Was it a gift from God? 'Cause I don't remember asking for it....unless this is His response to my prayer for ultra blessings in happiness and earthly enjoyment. Even if it was a gift from God, I don't feel I've done enough, or anything really for his kingdom to entrust me with this money. Or maybe that's not how it works when God gives us stuff :) At the same time it very well coulda been a trap set by Satan. What do I do with this money??

I talked to a friend and she said to keep these thoughts in my heart, God will show me what to do with it when the time comes. I had JLiu's story in mind when she said this. How he had this extra money which was the exact amount of money some girl needed for her missions trip. So this is kinda what I expected.

A week or 2 into my trip I met up with my dad who lives in Hong Kong. I haven't seen him in about 10 years, so being in Hong Kong it was a good opportunity to see him. So I meet up with him for lunch and it was good (another volume for the story :P). But before our food even comes, he hands me and my brother each a roll of $7000HK (about $1000Cdn) so we can go shopping. I was kinda expecting something from him, 'cause he's known to spoil us as kids, but not like this. A few weeks later after my brother and mom went back to Canada for work (I didin't 'cause I was unemployed yay!), my dad gave me another $7000HK roll!

I was getting more and more money, and I think you guys can guess how I spent some of it. I'll elaborate in my next post. But as Christian people, what are we supposed to do in this situation? Give it to the poor?? Was this money even from God?

Real Talk not real????

Yo what's up, long time no post.....I've been away in HK, summer's kickin' 'round so I've been kinda lazy on the posts. And posting isn't actually that easy for me, as in it's time consuming. I edit the crap outta these before I send 'em out to the public. You could say Eldon Real Talk isn't as "real" as the name implies. If you see some past posts, it's pretty much just me preaching, and throwing out the little Bible knowledge I know, alot of it isn't really about me. Well at least not the me I don't want the world seeing. Behind this virtual internet shield, I can look better than I actually am. I've actually considered stopping the posts 'cause of the lack of "realness", haha but iunno a little "realness" is better than none.

I'll try to be as superficially real as I can on this one here hahaha. I was in Toronto to see some of my friends get married. I stayed with a few people there, well 'cause I'm not from Toronto and I'm grateful that they even opened their place up. But honestly I didn't feel too welcome. It's not the fault of my hosts, it's just that I didn't consider they'd be working and fulfilling other commitments they have for the summer. Car-less, and unfamiliar with the city, I was sometimes stuck at my friend's parents' homes often without my friend even being there. So in other words I had to hang out with their parents. It's not as ackward as it may seem, but still....I feel like I'm getting in the way of people's lives. And I am.

I hear a lot of "come to HK to work Eldon", "find a job in Toronto", but honestly if I did, I don't think I'd actually see people that often 'cause we'd all be doing our own thing. I'm not a kid, I've seen this at the end of high school before so whatever. I guess we just do what's placed in our laps at the time, I have no control on the things around me. Let time flow a little more, and I bet people won't even remember me.

I'm kinda upset, but at the same time I'll probably, and most likely am already doing the same thing. Someone once told me that a lot of people feel this way after leaving such a strong support group such as ACF, but we shouldn't feel this way. I doesn't matter who it is, people are still just people...they will let us down. Only in God can we trust with our all. Right now I see my life as one sole relationship (that is with Christ), and with people as side things He places on my way to show more of Himself and myself to me. If you're reading this and saying "what about me though Eldon?!?". What about you??....I think I'd have my hands full dealing with the ones around me and learning 'bout myself, and I think you should do the same.

Stay tuned, I'll be droppin' posts non-stop for y'all these next few days to make up for lost time.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! That's why I look in the mirror everyday and realize how fly I am-Cam'ron

Iunno if you know, but I'm super self-conscious. I don't know if I come off as this way or not, but I am. I'm very insecure about myself, and am constantly concerned about how people see me. When I'm looking at pictures, I'm always checking myself first. I could care less how the people around me look. As long as I look fresh it's a good picture haha. Not so much now, but maybe 'round end of high school/1st year, I'd check myself out in the mirror non-stop. I mean, I would take little study breaks to check myself.

This just kinda came to mind from Yun-Ping praying for the girls about insecurity, about how they can hold their head up high 'cause they're beautiful in God's eyes. It's true, but often this just doesn't cut it for me. Which one of us does God not see as beautiful? God thinks we're all equally beautiful so what does it really mean? Of course I'm not gonna say I'm not beautiful 'cause I was made in the image of God, outta fear I dare not say anything that God has made to be ugly.

I guess I'm just trying to say, I'd like to be worldly beautiful sometimes. I 'aint just talking 'bout appearances either, I'm talking 'bout the beauty of my bank account, the beauty of my intellect, the beauty of my social class, hell the beauty of my cross-over etc.....But none of these things are important to the Lord, so why should I care? 'Cause everyone else does. Including me in regards to others.

Well let's get to my point, why am I posting about being worldly beautiful? It's 'cause girls care....Man, I haven't seen anyone in 4 years! My university career is coming to an end and I'm going home to a "asian Christian girl"less place. Where the hell am I gonna find a girl? I guess I've just been wondering that: if during my university career I woulda grown up a bit quicker, taken better care of my body, been a bit more ambitious about my career, had bigger money stacks, have been more "spiritually mature", or even have become a completely different person, would I be seeing someone by now? Or am I just too picky in regards to these same aspects towards girls? Whatever they may be, I'm girlfriendless right now and I 'aint getting any younger :P Don't get me wrong though...I regret nothing in these last 4 years. In fact, I don't believe in regret. If this is the way the Lord had it set out to be, then that's the way it is. Why would I wish it differently than the Lord has planned? It's stupid.

Will God provide my future spouse? Maybe...I don't know, He hasn't told me yet. Am I gonna be alright with it if He says no? I have no choice but to be. I guess I can be alone like Paul the apostle hahaha. I don't know if I should be happy or sad about that one. Am I even prepared to take care of a girl yet? I don't know. The fact that I haven't had one in so long (in my eyes at least), I'm getting kinda restless to know if there is actually gonna be one out there for me. Throw all your pity comments at me and tell me how I have lots to offer. I really don't mind hearing it right now. It'll temporary fix my insecurity hahaha.

Why Should I Care? Pound for Pound I'm The Best Around Here-Jay-Z

I like to think that I have a care for nothing attitude. I just do stuff, 'cause stuff has to be done. Live life 'cause life has to be lived. An empty vessel, learning and trying to carry as little emotion/feelings as possible. Kinda like that dude Soujiro in Rurouni Kenshin that feels nothing but happiness. It's not in his capacity to feel hurt or pain. I would say I was more so like this before than now. I feel like I care about stuff more now, and like I figured, I'm experiencing hurt. I don't know if the Lord has put burdens on my shoulders to show me that we supposed to care and be hurt, or if it is me that has fallen away from the proper emotionless way. All I know is that I was happier when I didn't care.

You say: I shouldn't think this way, life is a gift, I should care about it very much so. Well I say: screw you, this gift isn't as great as the one promised tommorow. If it's such a great gift why do we hope for eternity away from this rock of garbage? What on this earth is worth caring for that won't be in eternity? Also, who's to say that I won't be as effective in my work for God if I didn't care about anything? Or is it even possible to not care? 'Cause I would think Jeremiah cried his little eyes out because he did in fact care...

Doesn't the Lord call us to be sheep, slaves, drones, empty weak vessels so he can work his magic? I would like to think my lack of caring is my way of emptying myself for the Lord. I associate my not caring with the letting go of my ambition, not just worldly success but as well as the Lord's ministry. Watchman Nee talks about how when we try to do the Lord's Will, we just screw it up. We actually are supposed to do nothing, and let the Lord do his own will through us. If I be caring about a bunch of stuff, wouldn't it dilute my very being for the Lord to do all the work?

A wise man once told me not to argue with fools/'Cause from afar people can't tell who is who-Jay-Z

So a while back, I had to rebuke somebody in the way he was living his life. Why? 'Cause that's what I felt the Holy Spirit was moving me to do. I think I felt the conviction from the Holy Spirit to say something because I was just disgusted at the sin that was living in this person. Not to say that Christians won't sin, but this person's embrace of sin, of "that's just the way it is/ can't beat it/God will forgive me so I'll do it anyways" attitude just filled me with the zeal to have to say something. I would know of non-Christians that would act more "Christian-like" than this individual, and I feel this individual is making a mockery out of the Lord's kingdom. The Lord of the universe does not need me to protect his good name, He can do it himself and will judge accordingly when time comes. But that's not to say that the Lord didn't use me in this case to remind this individual of God's judgment. I do this all out of love.

I was aware that things get screwed up when the Spirit is at work, and I agree that it works for the greater good. It stirs up what people think, people reflect on themselves, and the truth is laid out on the table. Why do things get screwed up? 'Cause often the truth hurts...people really aren't happy or willing to take it. And this is what happened in this case.

This particular person feels that I shouldn't have rebuked him, reason being I didn't know him well enough. That is, if I would have known him better, I would see things differently and not have said those things. I however would disagree with this. I would say I know him better than most, and being someone that's already somewhat closer to him and knowing of the good in him, yet still seeing him as I do, think of how the general public would see this person when they don't know him. If there were a person like this, wouldn't you prefer he not say he's a Christian and mess up the image of Christianity, or clean up his act for the sake of others?

I have spoken to many Christian brothers regarding the issue, and we have agreed that what I did wasn't wrong. However, my delivery of what I said MAY not have been the best way, I'm not sure because my actions hasn't produced any apparent fruit yet. I even apologized to that person afterwards about making him upset from the way I spoke to him. (Not that making someone upset is a bad thing). I did this because it is scriptural to build up your brother after you rebuke him and make peace. So after this we were cool......until last night.

So he brings it up again, "how I don't know him well enough to say things to judge him, that I don't make a great enough effort to get to know him better or care about him". Whereas in fact I probably speak to him more than most people in the fellowship, or even members of my house. Though this may be little, (which isn't even true) it is really relative to how much I speak to others. I mean, if I don't speak much in the first place, wouldn't you say that saying a few things to this person shows that I care a lot.

This is however not good enough for him, that my knowing of him is not good enough to consider us friends or that I care. Which doesn't even make sense because he considered us friends before I rebuked him, yet I speak to him/treat him now the same as before, but in his eyes we're not friends now. So out of his frustration, he says "fine, I'll just care at your level now and not talk to you". This is however not for me to deal with, it is in fact this individual that has chosen to reduce his effort for friendship, and I'm okay with this. What really frustrates me though, is that my housemates don't see how I am able to find peace in the rebukee's decision to not talk to me anymore. They keep urging me to pursue this friendship, that I should go beyond my current level or caring while they wouldn't in fact do it themselves in the examples that I gave them.

I think the rebukee just wants me to see that there is good in him, which I do see. The good however does not cancel out the sin I see in his life that needs rebuking. I feel he really just wants my consent on how he lives his life is really not that bad, which is something I cannot do.

Personally, I don't treasure friendship as much as many other people do, especially the rebukee in this case. People have let me down time after time, and it's just something I don't care about as much as others. Nowhere is it biblical that friendships are super important, but rather Christians will have it bad and be hated by many. Jesus did not come to earth to make friends, but to love and save the people. So I really have no interest in his friendship, (which in my eyes we do have) but rather his salvation and his Christian walk. And don't get me wrong, I do enjoy hanging out with friends, but with what I know now, I don't think I can put it above the spiritual well-being of somebody.

So the question is....should I make an even greater, well beyond my normal level of showing friendship to this individual so that in his eyes, what I present is love? Or should I just have peace with it (which is what Roger suggested), put it in the hands of the Lord of how this individual feels and move on? I'm going with option #2 right now, I feel it would do this person good to not always have everything his way. If this is what our friendship boils down to, that his efforts to be-friend me came with the want of something in return, I'm not sure I want it either. I feel like I'm dealing with kids at times. Damn!

You Must Be Insane If You Give Me The/Lane or Perimeter/My Crossover'll Sprain Every Limb On Ya-Fabolous

Man I rant so much about crappy stuff going on in my life on this blog, I think it'd be nice to post some happier stuff. God isn't just trials and tests, He loves us so much, He'll bring happiness our way. It's not that once you've gone through a trial and you're happy for a while, God's thinking "Time to give Eldon a hard time again to see how faithful he is". Happiness will come after happiness....well sometimes :P

I'm having a really happy day today, so far at least. Me and Jimmy (aka Timmy) wanted to be crazy and woke up at 7:30 to play ball. We just killed it today, both of us scoring machines. I really like playing with Jimmy! Maybe it's 'cause we've played so much together, our chemistry is really good. That, and I like to see Jimmy's super crosses!! He's also kinda retarded so it's lightens up the mood when we play. Win or lose, it's pretty fun. Playing well in the morning always makes the rest of my day happy. I really treasure the bonds that are made just from playing pick-up ball in the mornings. Sports in general is a great way to build up almost automatically bonds with strangers...often multiple strangers at a time. I know a lot of guys (and girls!) by a first name basis from the mornings, and it can really open up opportunities to talk off the court. If you know what I'm getting at, it's so we can talk to them about God! hahaha. I haven't converted anyone or anything, but I know some of them are aware that I am a Christian. I hope they see something different in me that would make them at the very least question what God is all about, why this kid is the way he is.

Aside from being too nice at ball, my presentation for one of my classes that morning went great! Questions from the class was what I worried about, and our group just killed it. I'm just in a really good mood right now, and there's many other things to look forward to today. ACF tonight, and most likely Settlers of Catan/Starcraft/Dota afterwards. Happiness after happiness is great, but if you've seen Fight Club, when that convenience store guy gets threatened for his life, everything in life will seem sweeter when we have them trials to compare to. Life truly is a gift from God, and I think all God really wants, is for us to acknowledge His love and love Him back.

Hoping for the Things to Come

Damn, almost time to get outta here...graduation's only about a month away. I've kinda come to grips with leaving and the fact that I have to start fresh again, but it doesn't really make it that much easier. As much as I like to put up a front to show I'm alright with it, I'm actually quite sad, and will miss my time here at Western. I feel more at home in London than back in Saskatoon, and I just feel like I don't really have anything to go back to. I don't think I'll be returning to my "home church", I've kinda lost touch with my friends back home, and with what I've become here in London, I don't know if I can really hang out with them like I used to. God has place eternity in my heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11), so I don't see what they see as important in life anymore. Right now, I really don't feel I have anything to look forward to after my university career.

Yes, God will show me new things and will reveal more of Himself to me everyday, and I do look forward to it....but God is able to show Himself to me wherever I end up, it's not really something I can say to look forward to in regards to where I'm heading. It's almost like the default answer to cheer myself up.

It is nice to see my family, but I'm really not too thrilled about what I'm expecting from life in the years to come. God also does not promise super happiness. Jeremiah is a good example. I didn't actually look into this myself, but Chia told me about it. He said that "Jeremiah was told by God that he was to be a prophet, but nobody would listen to him". He was pretty much set up for a life of sorrow, and that's what He lived.....I hear he cries/weeps a crapload because he's so sad.

God has not told me this, but who knows, it could very well be like this for me in the years to come. I dare not blatantly disobey God, so I will do what the Lord says, but if it means crappy days to come, it kinda sucks. I would not go as far as to say that my hope of heaven is the only thing I got, but I really don't see all that much right now. I hope God fills me with happiness.

To Obey is Better Than Sacrifice

1 Samual 15:22

Samuel said, Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices. As in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.

I read it in the book Roger gave me. I don't mean the bible either for you nuccas who wanna be smartasses, it was a reference in The Heavenly Man. I've always had disagreements with people that say school is what God calls us to do here, just because we happen to be enrolled in university. That it's okay to pass on let's say..men's cell, or ACF because we have extra school work to do. This verse kinda solidifies what I've kinda concluded. (The Holy Spirit is really something!!,...I usually get the bible reference, whether from someone or just my own readings, after the Holy Spirit has already shown me the answer). I found this verse a few days ago, but realized it a few weeks ago.

It's not necessarily school...or ACF. It's whatever God tells you to do. I guess it can be hard to discern what is of yourself, and what God is wanting for you to do, but that's why we ask for direction in prayer. It also isn't necessarily what you hate most, that God wants you to do either. I don't think God puts us here just to suffer for Him. I mean, I love P&R's, skipping is almost unheard of for me this year. I kinda figured it's a better choice compared to let's say.. studying accounting. P&R=know God more VS Accounting=know how to split up money when a partnership goes bankrupt :P. At the moment Enoch asked me if I needed a ride to P&Rs, I felt God was urging me to study. And that's what I chose. I could of been wrong, but I don't think so.

I did have an exam the next day and I've barely studied 'cause I had other exams before, so you could say that "well, you were pretty screwed, it makes sense that you chose studying over P&R's". For anyone else maybe....For me, I would easily pass on studying to go "meet God", not to say you can't meet God studying. So that's what I did...studied like anyone would have before the day of the exam. It wasn't until about 10pm or so that I got an e-mail from my prof, saying that it would be okay to write my exam on thursday...4 days from that sunday!!! I really felt this exam deferral was God's faithfulness to my choice. I was filled with joy. You could argue that I coulda gone to P&Rs then, and I would have still gotten the exam deferral,... but then again maybe not. The point is, I knew it was the right decision because of the peace that God brought me when I chose to study. This whole incident just shed some light in my views of what God wants me to do.

Together We Stand, Divided We Fall

They say a family that prays together, stays together
And one that walks apart, falls apart
So together we stand, divided we fall
United we form Volton and take on all (Let's move!)
-Juelz Santana

And that's how the body of Christ should be! We strive to work together in unity, we edifty one another, and we watch out for one another. When one part of the body gets screwed up, the other parts will help 'em up 'til they ready to roll again. But if we run solo, who's gonna tell us that we the ones that are screwed up?

This is what me and my housemates have been striving for lately. Willing to put out a real effort to build each other up, setting time aside once a week to talk 'bout our lives with God, really being honest and telling each other how we feel they may be screwing up or how they can improve in their life. Sounds homo right?....A bunch of guys setting time aside to talk about feelings? But naw, get the hell outta here! If you think so, you got it twisted. We're becoming stronger and better people with each other's support and criticism, and I can see the change in our lives already. This 'aint any different than any sports team, businesses, or anything that needs the "body" framework to be successful. Only difference is, it's real talk about life with God. The only thing that really matters.

I've learnt a lot from just taking the time to talk to my house. Although I'm doing things outta love, it may not be the most efficient way of doing things. I was really blessed to hear about an outside perspective of me. Now that I know, I can tweak what I'm doing, ultimately to be a better and more efficient me. One of the things that was brought to my attention was that I may come off too strong with my views, that often I come off as someone who doesn't care what other people think. This is not true in my opinion, but if it seems so to others, what difference does it make about what I think. Right?

I think I come off strong because I look up to people that do the same thing. I've learnt and grown so much from listening to people that talk with authority, and because it worked so well for me, it would only make sense that I apply this winning strategy to try to help others right? We're also talking about the Word of God here, The Truth!! I don't feel something this powerful was meant to be whispered into people's ears. I think about all the people that have sugar coated God's Word before delivering it to me, and it really didn't do me any good. Actually made me worse off and stupid. I don't think God wants us to tell people what they want to hear and omit all the painful truths. I'm sorry if I come off as stubborn and aggressive, but this is just my best "impression" of the people that helped grow me up.

I guess the lesson is that I should be a bit more considerate of where people are coming from, but at the same time I don't wanna be one of them pansies that have bullshit dripping off their lips. I try to follow God the best I can, and although I may not be very effective, I'm sure He's pleased with what I'm doing. Through these weekly gatherings at my house, I feel I'm really getting built up. God has once again leveled me up as a Christian. My sword of the Spirit is getting crazy sharp, and my helmet of salvation is shinier than ever. With the way things are looking, the sword's gonna be Cloud Strife size when the year is through. All praise to God!!....

I Never Sleep, 'Cause Sleep is the Cousin of Death-Nas

I am exhausted! Not tired,....exhausted. I reminisce about the days where life was so easy. I do school, chill with people, have fun, live life... easy. I'm not saying that struggles didn't happen in those times, but things just seemed a lot more simple. The joys of youth, being ignorant. You know, "Old enough to know better, but young enough to not give a f***"-Fabolous.

Ecclesiastes 1:18
Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.

Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, talks about how it's worth getting wisdom over folly but with it comes more grief and pain. Spider-Man kinda comes to mind. Maybe not the best analogy, but bear with me. You could say it's better to be Spider-Man than not, but if you see the way he lives, the responsibilities he feels he needs to takes on, Peter Parker's got it bad. Worst of all he gets no praise for his acts of selflessness, but judgment from the very people he's trying to help.

I've been feeling this way recently. Not at a Spider-Man level, but you know what I mean. As I get more of an understanding of God's nature, I feel like I'm getting more and more screwed over. God teaches us to love, and like it says in the Bible, it surely brings me more grief and pain. But knowing what i know though, I can't just stop loving. For you simple minded people, I'm not having girl problems or anything like that, but rather my love for God's people, meaning everyone.

How screwed am I to be in this position? I know something is bringing me pain, but knowing better, I have to keep on taking it. I know God's grace is sufficient, but it doesn't really make it all that easy. For them dudes who think being a Christian is easy or for pussies, you got it twisted. It's the hardest thing in the world. Well, point is, I'm not feeling too hot lately and I guess all I can do is grind it out with God by my side.

Power of God Scares the Hell Outta Me

We talked about the Millenial Kingdom, on tuesday men's cell, and I believe it confused the hell outta lots of people. The Millenial Kingdom is pretty much when after Jesus comes back the 2nd time, and rebuilds earth to the way it was meant to be before we screwed it all up. The way the dude in the video described the Millenial kingdom didn't really seem all that great to me, and it just stirred up a bunch of questions and obvious flaws in his argument that the Millenial Kingdom is the way he described. It was a very unsettling evening 'cause the session didn't really help me in any way to prepare for the end times, but rather just put out a big maybe of what MAY happen, or is already happening in some people's opinions. I could confidently say that many other people may have gotten even less than I did. The only conclusion I could make outta the night was: Who Cares.... I can only have faith and trust in God, that whether if this "crappy" Millenial Kingdom is to come (the it was described in the video), or if it is actually something much better (the way I HOPE it is), God has what's best planned completely for OUR benefit. Not God's benefit, He doesn't need us for anything!, but OURS. Don't get me wrong though, Praise God that Yun-Ping is leading us into such a crazy path for men's cell this semester. Thank God for his heart that He is doing what He believes God wants him to do.

During and after the night, as I spent time with God alone, I came about a very uneasy feeling. I described it as uncomfortable, but it's rather an uneasy feeling. I don't think it was specifically the topic discussed that night, but rather the combined realizations in me throughout this recent month to make me feel this way. I'm not sure, but maybe.....JUST MAYBE, I'm beginning to experience the spiritual side of things more tangibly. I feel I've known God more than ever this last while from the Holy Spirit, and it just scares me to death. I'm very uneasy with the fact that we're dealing with a being as powerful as God. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I feel I would be more at ease if God were not so powerful. Let's just say, that for whatever reason, it's just been made more apparent to me to fear the Lord. End Times talk just happened to push me over a bit.

Faith, God's power, God's love?.....may be one of the things God is trying to "show me"/"build me in". I don't know... Praise God though, for who else but God can this uneasiness come from!! This makes God more real to me than ever, but just also happens to scare the hell outta me.

True to my Brothers

I've been thinking about what I've been doing here in London this last year or so, and I feel like I've kinda failed at reciprocating love back to God. This year more than ever, God has made it very apparent that He loves me to death (litterally :P...), and while basking in the wonderful feeling of it, I've failed to realize that I was doing a poor job at giving it back to Him. I'm not really talking about my personal relationship with God, because that has been great. I'm more dissapointed in my actions to show love towards my brothers in Christ.

Somebody shared the other night at one of our ACF gatherings about how even sinners can show love to those they like, but we are called to love even our enemies. I have been a picker and choose of who gets the excess of God's love that He's poured on me, and I feel I've cheated those who didn't get it because I wasn't as cool with them as others. I'm sure I've let down God from my inaction towards these brothers, but praise God for revealing this to me now. It's really been on my mind today, and I can only try my best to change my ways.

I know God will not love me any less because I've failed Him, but I'm just sorry to those people that I haven't paid as much attention to, and to God for showing such disobedience.

I found something good....PLEASE TRUST ME!!

I've had a few encounters with some friends this last while, and when Christianity was brought up, it seems like they were either turned off, or just confused about the issue. These aren't stupid people either, they're students like myself and I'm sure have a lot of insight on life, and experiences that I myself have not experienced. I don't look down on these people because they don't agree with what I believe as what I know was given from God, so I have no reason to be prideful in what God has given me. I would however just like to make this post to explain why I do what I do, and why I believe what I believe. I should share this in person, but....hahaha I'm kind of a pansy 'bout it, so if you wanna talk to me in person 'bout this, I would love to discuss it with you. Just let me know.

If you haven't figured it out already, I'm a Christian. I believe that God had sent his son Jesus Christ (who is actually God himself) to die in order to save SOME people despite what he knows about humans. What I mean by save, is that when we pass away, we get to go to heaven and spend eternity with God. Why we need to be saved is because we (mankind) are wicked people and is impossible to attain heaven by our wills alone. God gave us a way out, that if we accept what Jesus has done for us then we can spend eternity with Him. It makes no sense that the creator would let the things that He created slay Him, so that the createe would be able to get something they don't deserve. I believe in a God that has this incredible love for us.
I'm gonna be pretty blunt about this shit. I don't wanna water this down so I don't offend anybody.

What I believe is the truth. It's not a just a religion, it's the truth, and regardless whether anyone believes it or not, it's all true. I know this because God gave me this realization. When I talk to you guys 'bout going to church I'm hoping that you guys would have this same realization as myself. I'm doing this 'cause I found something good and I want you to have it too. I'm not trying to fill a stat sheet to show all my Christian friends of all the people I converted. I'm doing this 'cause I know you're good people and I don't wanna see you guys get f*** over when we die. God has even called us to save bad people, so it would break my heart to see a bunch of people that were assholes while on earth in heaven with me, while you guys are in hell. PLEASE just at least give it a chance!!! or talk to me about it.

You don't have to sing hymns in church if you think it's gay, you don't have to do anything, shit I'll buy you lunch if you come. I just really want you to take a listen to what the pastor has to say and hopefully will give you an insight on what's gonna save you. Christianity isn't about what you can or can't do. It's not a list of things to follow. It is to know Jesus Christ and have a relationship with him, it's to realize his ridiculous love for us and to accept it. God wants so bad for you to accept His love. It's free!

Yo, you guys know me, you see how I live my life. Am I so different, and a bad different, that it just totally turns you off of Christianity? I know there is a lot of sketchy stuff surrounding Christianity, and that's because Christians are still human, we mess up just like everyone else, and I'm sure God isn't too happy about it. You may even see some sketchy things in the Bible, the book we use that guides our lives, but once you have accepted Christ, He gives you a new understanding of what He's doing. And yes, because of our faith we do divide people, and God says in the Bible that Christians are going to make lots of enemies, and will be hated by the world but in the end it's all worth it. We divide, but we don't want to. I mean, if what we believe is true, I can't say I truly believe it if we compromise with the things of this world right...We're not trying to 'cause trouble, we're just following God.

If you choose to believe in another religion, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna see you in heaven. God does not let us choose our own way to reach Him. Only His way. Any religion that depends on oneself to attain God is wrong. How can an imperfect people do anything to reach a perfect being by our wills alone. I know the truth because God has told me, and only God can show you guys like He has shown me, but you'll never know Him until you let Him tell you. It's worth it, trust me!

Not Ambitious?...Or just Straight Up Lazy?

1 Timothy 6:7
For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.

Why bust our ass to strive for all these pretty things that the world has to offer when we can't take any of it with us when we pass in a few decades? Why even do things that'll preserve our name on this earth when we won't be around to know about it? It's all a big waste of energy if you ask me, yet there's a part of me that wants to do it anyways. Regardless of my knowledge of this, sometimes I still want to impress the foolish beings we call humans in my time here on earth instead of looking to impress the one I'll be living with forever.

So, what am I doing that'll last for eternity?!?... I believe God is showing me everyday. Striving to know God, loving His people, obeying and following Him, really anything that shows God's glory will last forever because God is the ONLY thing that is forever.

Right now I'm not exactly sure where God wants to lead me or what he wants me to do, but I'm sure God can use me anywhere He pleases. I mean, I'd really like to do accounting but the way things are looking, it's a big maybe. He knows me better than myself and in no way does He let things happen to me to harm me, so whatever happens....happens, I'll let God do His thing right?

I'm often scared to think this way though, as it could be my own excuse for laziness. I also justify it by saying it's the opposite of ambitious, but I'm not too sure. I'm not sure 'cause I know I'm lazy but still want to be an accountant. I just don't find the worth of working so hard in school to ensure my career in accounting. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't study at all, just not as crazy as these other nuccas at school. I mean..I know dudes that breathe school both christian and non-christian alike. It's their life!! I just don't understand what can be so appealing about killing yourself to achieve something you don't get for very long.

Accounting for the glory of God!?!?! It's possible I guess, so killing yourself for the sake of God is worth it if accounting's where God has placed you to shine. But when I'm not sure where He's putting me, should I still bust my ass to strive for this accounting business? Once again God can use me any way, anywhere....

I really don't want to strive for something of such little value, while at the same time not wanting it to be an excuse for being lazy. Am I Selfish?....maybe, Confused?.....very....but I'm just living life. I'm pleased with everything God has given me, I have joy, I have peace, I'm happy (most the time), and I have my eyes and heart for the Lord.

I know there must be a God when I don't know what the hell is going on in my life, a joy (you could say) in my life knowing that there must be a pure and ultimate being who actually does know what's going on.

"Knowledge is King"-Kool Moe Dee

I went to the Chinese Alliance Winter Conference in Calgary this Christmas break and just got back yesterday. The main speaker for the english side was some guy named Dr. Philemon Choi. He's supposed to be super famous and respected in HK and Asia. He's know for his ministry with the government there, his work with the youth in HK, and he just has crazy experience under his belt. If you got chinese christian parents from HK, ask your mommy or daddy, they probably know him.

It was his first time speaking to just the english side and there were high expectations from him. People from the cantonese side skipped their own lectures to come hear him speak. So I'm like "alright, let's hear what the man has to say", I was excited to hear something that would change my life. Unfortunately dude kinda sucked in my opinion.....I'm not gonna say I got nothing outta his talks, just didin't live up to the hype. I think it might be regardless of how compelling his sermons are know to be, there's still a language barrier such that he can't express himself like he does in cantonese. I could tell Dr. Choi had a huge heart for God, and I could see he was pouring himself out.... but it just didn't appeal to me.

I don't wanna hear the crap that I didn't listen to his sermons with an open heart or anything like that either, if what he said doesn't appeal to me, then it doesn't appeal to me. I'm all for learning more and getting wiser too, so for whatever reason, I just didn't get that much out of it. I was kinda dissapointed, knowing that learning about God is unlimited and I only got so little out of a hyped up conference like this.

I'm not sure, but maybe I'm "overblessed" in my fellowship in London, or that the talks our fellowship counsellor gives have broken me down so much already that I'm immune to Dr. Choi's talks. Maybe, his talks weren't geared towards myself....iunno. There were however lots of people that were clinging on to his every word, and I'm not sure, but I think they were just hopin' on the bandwagon 'cause of Dr. Choi's hype. I could be wrong, maybe they really were touched by God through Dr. Choi and that's great!, but if not, there's nothing I hate more than the fakeness in people. Just be you!....I think it's so dangerous at conferences like these that people just start acting a way that they normally wouldn't so they don't look like an idiot. I'm very cautious on what people have to teach me as well.....I mean, I don't know who these people are and how they live everyday. Who are they to tell me anything!?!

Right now I feel kind of arrogant with my faith and I feel bad about it. I don't think God has given me knowledge so I can look down on people. I'm probably more of a fool myself for having this mentality. This christian life is so hard sometimes, actually it's impossible. The more things I learn, there's more things I get to screw up. I guess thank God's grace for giving me this revelation of how stupid I can be, maybe this is the real reason God has brought me to this conference.