I like to think that I have a care for nothing attitude. I just do stuff, 'cause stuff has to be done. Live life 'cause life has to be lived. An empty vessel, learning and trying to carry as little emotion/feelings as possible. Kinda like that dude Soujiro in Rurouni Kenshin that feels nothing but happiness. It's not in his capacity to feel hurt or pain. I would say I was more so like this before than now. I feel like I care about stuff more now, and like I figured, I'm experiencing hurt. I don't know if the Lord has put burdens on my shoulders to show me that we supposed to care and be hurt, or if it is me that has fallen away from the proper emotionless way. All I know is that I was happier when I didn't care.
You say: I shouldn't think this way, life is a gift, I should care about it very much so. Well I say: screw you, this gift isn't as great as the one promised tommorow. If it's such a great gift why do we hope for eternity away from this rock of garbage? What on this earth is worth caring for that won't be in eternity? Also, who's to say that I won't be as effective in my work for God if I didn't care about anything? Or is it even possible to not care? 'Cause I would think Jeremiah cried his little eyes out because he did in fact care...
Doesn't the Lord call us to be sheep, slaves, drones, empty weak vessels so he can work his magic? I would like to think my lack of caring is my way of emptying myself for the Lord. I associate my not caring with the letting go of my ambition, not just worldly success but as well as the Lord's ministry. Watchman Nee talks about how when we try to do the Lord's Will, we just screw it up. We actually are supposed to do nothing, and let the Lord do his own will through us. If I be caring about a bunch of stuff, wouldn't it dilute my very being for the Lord to do all the work?
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To me caring makes me think about why I do stuff, it gives me a reason, its very true we look forward to eternity beyond this life, but I also embrace what I am given today, for everything the LORD gives me is good and I put all my being into his will, and the fact he lets me live, caring to me also is part of lving others, I care because I love, emotion sometimes is a good way to convey your love for people, again, we were given the ability to feel and to have emotions and I'm gonna use what i've been given. Bottomline, i was sent here for 2 purposes, to love God and love others, and I think caring is a subset of love, so I'll use it best way I know how, so far I havnt met anyone who the LORD has called them to do nothing in their whole life, if they did, they wouldnt be alive very long, so the fact that we can live that we're alive for today enable us to do stuff, and we should treasure that, God doesn'texpect us to do nothing, he just expects us to do nothing without his strength. In the end if you can love without emotion or feelings then i say praise the Lord, but I dont want to do that.
Good words.
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